Online Dating Guide - Escalation

At some point in your online dating life, you’ll strike gold with a woman or man you’re interested in, have some fun online conversation, and it will come time to “escalate” the interaction.  Escalation isn’t a military term or anything too serious like that - instead, escalation is about simply leading the interaction to the next level - to instant messaging, to the phone, to real life.  And if you have escalation down, you’ll find yourself exponentially increasing the amount of dates you’re able to get.

Once you’ve gotten everything else handled - your pictures, your profile, your ability to message someone you’re interested in - it will come time to escalate.  Here’s a step-by-step guide for accomplishing just that.

First, here are the escalating levels of interaction with online dating:

-Interacting via e-mails
-Interacting via instant messengers
-Interacting on the phone
-Meeting in real life

These are the steps you’ll want to keep an eye on.  Remember that these steps aren’t set in stone - for example, you could go from interacting via e-mails to a phone conversation if you’re willing to ask for a phone number.  But these are the levels you should at least be aware of for when you wonder where to take the interaction.

Generally, the onus is usually on the man to escalate things, and thereby expose himself to possible rejection.  If you’re a man reading this, you’ll just have to accept this as an inevitability.  Take responsibility for where the interaction goes, because forcing a woman to lead an interaction isn’t only ineffective, it can also be a turnoff for her.

How do you escalate?  Two words:  outcome independence.  Don’t worry about rejection, or even if you worry, put yourself out there and don’t express that you worry.  Ask the phone number and make no excuses for asking for it.  Don’t try to be “cute.”  Instead of being cute, be casual - as if this thing happens to you all the time.  Believe me, when she sees that you’re casual and relaxed about asking for her number, she’ll feel relaxed, as well, and more likely to help you escalate.

Remember:  she’s not talking to you if she’s not interested.  That’s a simple rule of thumb, so don’t take the interaction too seriously like you really have to “make things happen.”  All you have to do, as strange as it sounds, is be yourself and take the interaction further by leading your way up the escalation ladder.

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