Online Dating Guide - Escalation

At some point in your online dating life, you’ll strike gold with a woman or man you’re interested in, have some fun online conversation, and it will come time to “escalate” the interaction.  Escalation isn’t a military term or anything too serious like that - instead, escalation is about simply leading the interaction to the next level - to instant messaging, to the phone, to real life.  And if you have escalation down, you’ll find yourself exponentially increasing the amount of dates you’re able to get.

Once you’ve gotten everything else handled - your pictures, your profile, your ability to message someone you’re interested in - it will come time to escalate.  Here’s a step-by-step guide for accomplishing just that.

First, here are the escalating levels of interaction with online dating:

-Interacting via e-mails
-Interacting via instant messengers
-Interacting on the phone
-Meeting in real life

These are the steps you’ll want to keep an eye on.  Remember that these steps aren’t set in stone - for example, you could go from interacting via e-mails to a phone conversation if you’re willing to ask for a phone number.  But these are the levels you should at least be aware of for when you wonder where to take the interaction.

Generally, the onus is usually on the man to escalate things, and thereby expose himself to possible rejection.  If you’re a man reading this, you’ll just have to accept this as an inevitability.  Take responsibility for where the interaction goes, because forcing a woman to lead an interaction isn’t only ineffective, it can also be a turnoff for her.

How do you escalate?  Two words:  outcome independence.  Don’t worry about rejection, or even if you worry, put yourself out there and don’t express that you worry.  Ask the phone number and make no excuses for asking for it.  Don’t try to be “cute.”  Instead of being cute, be casual - as if this thing happens to you all the time.  Believe me, when she sees that you’re casual and relaxed about asking for her number, she’ll feel relaxed, as well, and more likely to help you escalate.

Remember:  she’s not talking to you if she’s not interested.  That’s a simple rule of thumb, so don’t take the interaction too seriously like you really have to “make things happen.”  All you have to do, as strange as it sounds, is be yourself and take the interaction further by leading your way up the escalation ladder.

Online Dating Guide - Building a Network

When it comes to online dating, you can find yourself easily using it to your advantage, especially since technology gives you opportunities to really manage your time and your lifestyle well.  You won’t have to go to bars, clubs, or other social gatherings to meet women; instead, you’ll just have to log on and check your messages.

As simple as that sounds, online dating still requires some work and effort in order to make things happen for yourself.  Research around and get a good grasp of the basics:  submitting quality pictures, building a profile that’s enticing and engaging, and communicating in a friendly, playful way.

Once you have those basics down, you’ll be able to bring more of your own unique personality to online dating, only this time in a much more subtle way:  building an online dating network that takes advantage not just of one online dating site, but many.

A simple Google search will yield a plethora of free online dating sites - while some of these free sites aren’t as desirable as the big oens like eHarmony or, you’ll still be able to find online dating sites that have plenty of desirable men and women and give you the opportunity to meet more of them.

Bring energy and enthusiasm to this process.  Set up profiles across a range of sites, each with similar written profiles and pictures so that things stay consistent.  Note:  this is why you’ll want to make sure you have mastered your profile the first time, before you begin to build a network.

The more you put yourself out there, the larger a net you cast.  Don’t feel bad if you don’t necessarily get a lot of responses at first - feel free to tweak your profile across different dating profiles.

Building a network, you’ll be able to get in contact with more people and get more “interactions” under your belt.  This will not only give you an opportunity to meet more women, but to continue practicing the way you interact with them, and the way you engage them.  This will continue to yield long-term results that sticking to one dating site might not provide.  So build your network, if you really plan on mastering this online dating thing, and automate this part of your life so that you have more free time to build a rock-solid lifestyle.

Online Dating Guide - The First Message

So you’ve taken the time to set up your first online profile, made sure to include exciting pictures that portray an active lifestyle, and you made your profile enticing and engaging.  So what’s next?  Well, at some point, you’re either going to respond to a message you like, or you’re going to initiate communciation with someone you’re interested in.

It’s time to write “the first message.”

Don’t worry - it’s not as a high-pressure situation as you might think.  This isn’t even close to approaching women in real life - when they have a real-time opportunity to reject you or validate you - this is simply initiating a fun, light opportunity to something more down the line.  You certainly don’t want to communicate that you take this online dating thing so seriously - because what does that say about your offline life?

Instead, you’re going to keep the pressure off with something light and engaging, as always.  You want to be funny, but not too try-hard.  If you have a joke, make it, but don’t rely on the “joke” as the whole content of your message.

The key word here is “playful.”  This goes for both men and women.  What if you’ve never really been “playful” with the opposite sex before in your life?  Don’t worry; it can be cultivated and practiced.  Being “playful” is all about amusement that works for both people in the interaction.  It’s not about making a joke to get them to “like” you, and it’s not about totally amusing yourself, either.  Your humor should be a two-way street when you send a quick message of introduction.

Okay, you have the message;  so what’s an example of a great message you can send?  One that I have used to success is what I call the “fake marriage proposal.”  In short, you pretend that you’re already in love with the woman - or man, if applicable - and that you want to skip all of the formalities and just propose marriage.

This can be a difficult one to pull off, but remember that you should make it obvious that you’re just being playful and expressing your interest in a unique way.  As always, starting the interaction is about light and fun energy.  Focus on that energy, and not the content of your words, and you’ll be fine.

Saying No When Dating Online

One of the chief advantages of online dating is that the stings and fears of risk and rejection that usually occur from meeting people in the real world are significantly lessened.  In other words, it’s both easier to get rejected and to reject a person you’re no interested in when ou don’t know the person yet.  It allows you both to stop a relationship before it starts, making sure nothing leads to a sour extension of what would have been wrong for both of you anyway.

With this freedom, however, comes responsibility - the responsibility to not let a rejection get too sour because you feel like standing up for yourself or asserting your sense of importance.  Online, people often turn into bullies because they perceive the fact that there is no immediate threat to them if they do act rudely.

This leads to some sour rejections that don’t have to take place.  To avoid these sour interactions, here are some tips to say no properly when dating online.

The best response, usually, to someone you reject, is simply this:  nothing.  That is, after you have initially rejected a person, feel free to ignore them.  In fact, feel compelled to.  Many men who get rejected will just say anything to re-gain your attention and, once granted, they feel like they’ve won a small victory.  Reject, and ignore, because your rejections are final, and you should treat them that way.  People will sense this, and they’ll hopefully reciprocate with an appropriate response.

Doing otherwise usually leads men on too much; they feel that because you’re emotionally invested in the situation further, that there is still a chance for them to still turn things around.

Don’t lead them on.  In many cases, it might even be appropriate to let a guy down gently simply by not responding.  The only problem is that this message might not be loud and clear:  a direct rejection letter and further ignoring will usually do the trick.

The important thing to keep in mind that once you reject someone, no matter what they say that makes you feel the need to re-assert yourself, that you don’t do it.  This will only add gasoline to the fire.  Once you reject someone, consider the interaction over and move on with your life.  You’ll be glad you did.

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